Stay at home mom in training

I have often felt as if I do not do my job correctly but never really could figure out why. I am on a mission to do this job that God gave me as the true desire of my heart. I want a clean happy home. I want to spend my husbands hard earned money in a way that honors his work and God's genorosity. I want a home that radiates Gods love and warmth. I have visited a few sites from different mom's and keep going back to the super traditional, meek christian moms. Can a girl that is definately not naturaly meek and mild become that? I know...it is possible through constant surrender. I don't want to "lose it" again with my kids. It has become somewhat acceptable in my circle as we claim "real life." I felt strong conviction the other day when I really lost it over ANOTHER melt down from my three year old. (i wonder where he gets it) I don't care about stuff and political correctness even though I was raised to have my feet in that deceptive water. Where to begin? Maybe this is the direction I need to take....learning to be a stay at home mom. I didn't have that model so I am realizing after two years I don't know what I am doing. Pray for me and send any wisdom my way.